16 Days, Hot Mess, and an Unsexy Addiction

So I'm pretty sure I love Urban Dictionary. Why haven't I discovered this sensational beauty of inappropriateness before today? I mean, there are but a few who match me in my poor form (except, of course, MyFriendLisa --MFL-- who gives me quite the run for my money and, more often than not, comes out ahead.) Anyways, the point is, that I, being wholly inappropriate most all of the time, should be in contact with this wonderous creature of Urban Dictionary every. single. day. Where else will you find the definition for "Douchechill" (which was apparently used in the show Arrested Development, that I also haven't seen. Seriously, where the fuck have I been?!)? To demonstrate the brilliance in a sentence: "Prince Headbang's father, Headbang Sr, is a real Douchechill."

So what's my point on here.

I was asked the other day by someone if I had thought of jump starting my writing career on the internet. He didn't particularly mean a blog, but this will have to do since I already have one and I'm not technologically savvy enough (read: I am a moron) to figure out any other way. If nothing else this will at least help me do some sort of writing (to write at least something, even if only a few lines, everyday is my goal) even if there are only 6 people who read it. Haha, suckas!

Whatever.

So I've been on vacation for the last 16 days. It's fucking fantastic. I haven't done anything special or gone anywhere, but I have done quite a bit of relaxing (which was much, no make that MUCH, needed). I have read 4 books, made a blanket for my cousin's new baby, spent a lot of time with family, spent even more time at Powell's (I have an addiction), and got a wisdom tooth pulled (Sexy, huh?). Today I soaked up every second of the sun that was humanly possible. It was absolutely beautiful. I spent the day reading on my balcony (I know, exciting, right?). The air smelled so clean and crisp, the birds flew through a cloudless sky, and the wind blew, but not too much. I closed my eyes and for a moment it felt like I was on the beach (which is where I should have been, but I wasn't because I am a retard and sat at home instead of driving to the coast where it was 65 degrees) and for that second my life was perfect. And then the neighbor's 3 year old came out to play. He was tough shit on his big wheel. He raced all around, screaming all the while. And then he fell off of it. Of course I started laughing (why would you ever doubt me?). You don't need to say it, I profess it often: I AM AN ASSHOLE. So I'm laughing, loudly, looking for this kids parents to come scoop him up. Where was this kid's parents? Oh yeah. Not there. They watched from the balcony of their apartment. WTF? Super parenting, folks.

The moral of the story is that I'm glad I'm on vacation, but wonder why I can never escape the horrific parenting and the hot mess of it's products that litter this society.

Until the next inappropriate moment of my life presents....

s.