We Salute You, I Salute You

A day of remembrance and a day of Honor. Our flags are raised with you in mind. Though there may not be agreeance in what has been done, wars fought, lives lost, there will always be gratitude for you. For signing up and training and shipping out on your own free will; for feeling such pride for our country that you are willing to lay your life on it; for leaving your family and friends behind to fulfill your missions and your duties; for every 'goodbye' you say to your husbands and wives and children knowing there may never be another 'hello' we respect you.

So to all the military men and women of past and present; to those still with us and those who have passed; to those who have made it home from battle and to those who made it home only in spirit; we commend you. I commend you.

To my brother, N, who enlists those brave and honorable enough; S and his infantry division in Afghanistan right now; the many other friends I have, who have served in the past or are serving right now, it would take hours to name you all; to my late Uncle P who risked his life every day for years serving on the Berlin wall in the heat of conflict; There are not enough words to thank you all. Each of you have my unwaivering gratitude and respect. On this day and on every day you are all in our thoughts.

At your funeral nearly 12 years ago the flag was lowered, the color gaurd presented, and the guns saluted. I never got over it and to this day with each 21 gun salute I hear my breath catches in my throat as tears fall down my face. Your folded flag still sits proud on the shelf, just as we stand, still proud, of you. Uncle P you were a husband, a brother, a son, an uncle and my hero.

But The Water's Shallow Here

Outside there's a blackened sky illuminated with stars like christmas lights. The night is unseasonably cold for May. Crickets chirp a midnight song. I sit here and wonder about my life. I wonder about love. Although I'm not yet 30, I feel like I'm well past it. I wonder if I will be single and alone for the rest of my life. I know that sounds very melodramatic, but sometimes I really feel it may be this way. All but a couple of my friends are in serious relationships or married. My cousins are all married, except for two. So what is the problem here? I don't see that I'm all that unfortunate looking; I am well educated (getting ready to even further said education); I have a good personality and get along well with pretty much anyone and I am, most importantly, honest and loyal.

I think a huge part of the problem is society. Men don't want a relationship they want to get laid. My philosophy is that if I'm good enough to sleep with then I'm good enough to have a relationship with. Seriously. Why is it that if there's even a nano-thought of a relationship then the man bolts? Or why is it that things are going great and then he just cuts communication altogether and you don't hear from him again? Or my personal favorite: why is it that the one person you do love doesn't love you back, is married to someone else and after almost 8 years your feelings haven't changed?!

Is that the problem? Nobody wants to love me because my heart belongs to someone I can't have? If that's the case then, well, I don't know. How do I let it go, though? I've tried everything. New relationships (one even lasted 3 1/2 years, but that's a whole different rant). Occupying myself with other things; work, hobbies, school. Focused only on the negative aspects of his being. I should've stopped loving him the first time he broke my heart. They say that "Love is blind", but is it really blind? Or is it painfully aware, but just ignorantly hopeful?