Outside there's a blackened sky illuminated with stars like christmas lights. The night is unseasonably cold for May. Crickets chirp a midnight song. I sit here and wonder about my life. I wonder about love. Although I'm not yet 30, I feel like I'm well past it. I wonder if I will be single and alone for the rest of my life. I know that sounds very melodramatic, but sometimes I really feel it may be this way. All but a couple of my friends are in serious relationships or married. My cousins are all married, except for two. So what is the problem here? I don't see that I'm all that unfortunate looking; I am well educated (getting ready to even further said education); I have a good personality and get along well with pretty much anyone and I am, most importantly, honest and loyal.
I think a huge part of the problem is society. Men don't want a relationship they want to get laid. My philosophy is that if I'm good enough to sleep with then I'm good enough to have a relationship with. Seriously. Why is it that if there's even a nano-thought of a relationship then the man bolts? Or why is it that things are going great and then he just cuts communication altogether and you don't hear from him again? Or my personal favorite: why is it that the one person you do love doesn't love you back, is married to someone else and after almost 8 years your feelings haven't changed?!
Is that the problem? Nobody wants to love me because my heart belongs to someone I can't have? If that's the case then, well, I don't know. How do I let it go, though? I've tried everything. New relationships (one even lasted 3 1/2 years, but that's a whole different rant). Occupying myself with other things; work, hobbies, school. Focused only on the negative aspects of his being. I should've stopped loving him the first time he broke my heart. They say that "Love is blind", but is it really blind? Or is it painfully aware, but just ignorantly hopeful?
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